Conspiracy theorist rejoice! I have a feeling you will send me emails riddled with “I told you so!”  But if I were going to take over the world, I think I’d do it like this.

First of all, as a skilled narcissistic controller, who usually appears very likable and charming, I would plot my long-term agenda and have the patience of Mother Theresa to carefully advance my plans.  Because I know if you put a frog in a pot of water on the stove and slowly turn up the heat, he won’t jump out and eventually will die, because he hardly notices the water getting warmer.  I KNOW! So macabre!

If I came right out and started blatantly taking away people’s rights, they’d catch on.  And fast.  They would jump out of the pot. But, if I slowly and methodically began removing people’s rights, and manipulated them into thinking it was for their own good, and they began to not only buy into that ideology but defend it, the water would be getting oh so hot by then.  They’d be stuck in the pot slowly losing everything and I’ve convinced them to like it!!

My first order of business would be to make them dependent on me.  Because if I can give it to them, I can take it away from them too.  Even more importantly, I could even just simply imply I would take it away from them in order to get them to do what I wanted.  I would ALWAYS use the carrot or the stick method.

The carrot to make promises to them, that if they would only do what I want, they would have great reward.  Shhhhh don’t tell them the reward will never come.  Or I would use the stick to punish them when they didn’t comply.

I would start making them dependent on me with really big things.  Like food, healthcare, fuel and birth control just for fun.  Maybe then I could even eventually control how many children I would allow them to have.

I would begin positioning my forces.  I’d stock up with 750 million rounds of .40 caliber hollow point ammunition.  I would even get identification numbers on receipts when people purchase large amounts of ammo so I know who they are and where they live.  (Have you noticed that when you buy a larger pack of  ammo?  Look on the bottom of your receipt.)

I would also begin to position myself to take the guns from every day American citizens.  My actions would be careful. I would begin with anti-gun rhetoric.  But by now most people would only look at my words and not my actions.

I would begin to interfere with their ability to have access to media I can’t control.  I would immediately create a way kill their access to the internet if I so chose to do.  I would use any means necessary to discredit any type of conservative talk radio or bloggers.

I’d create chaos and divisiveness.  I would do this among the races, the sexes and the classes.

I would also begin to control their children.  Not just by indoctrinating them but by what they ate, what they learn in school and even not allow them to work on their family farms.  That way, they don’t have the skills or work ethics.  They would rely on me for everything.  Just as it should be.

I’d also begin to attack religion.  It would be just for another form of complete control.

I’d also hire a shirtless Daniel Craig to bring me Diet Cokes all day. (Holy Mother of God!) But that one really might just be me.

And then I’d wait. Everything would be in place.  I would work at getting re-elected, so I would have no reason to hold back anymore.

Then I would push hard for all my plans to go into effect.  I would disregard the Supreme Court and Congress (Thanks Mike for commenting yesterday on this! It’s so true.) I would make executive orders my best friend.  Who’s going to challenge me?  No one has yet.  Why would they now?

Short of the American people rising up to stop me, my plans should move along quite smoothly!  Now, I think I’ll take yet another vacation, play yet another round of golf and have a beer.  Looks like I’ve earned it.


~ Great, now I’m going to have nightmares with the exception of the Daniel Craig part.  This man scares me.

I grew up flying.  My Dad had a small Cessna that we would fly around in all the time.  One night we went to look at Christmas Lights over this neighborhood in Dallas that is known for being fully decked out in tacky light glory. It’s beautiful from the air.  On our way home we hit a front that was coming in.  The plane began to shake violently and he fought it like a bucking bull.  Staying upright was difficult.  My Dad who was always Mr. Cool made the comment, “Wow, we better get this baby down IF we can.”

It was the only time in my life my Dad looked really worried.  I was ok until I saw him panic.  I just cried in disbelief.  We made it down somehow by the grace of God.

But this past week I heard Rush Limbaugh say something with such conviction.  He said he was really worried and scared about all this going on.  AND he sounded worried.  I know some of you hate Rush.  But you must have some respect for his insight and uncanny ability to calls things long before they occur.  I felt the exact same way I did that night in the plane.  Scared.

Obama frequently does things that seem shocking to us.  When you place them side by side, it looks like a big pile of dynamite laying on top of the constitution.  Obama is holding the lighter.

God help us all.